Because I’m autistic, certain noises and volumes of sound make me uncomfortable, and make it hard for me to focus of anything but that sound. Because I have anxiety, these noises make me terrified, I’m uneasy, the room around me spins and I fear I’ll phsyically throw up or faint. Because of the noise coming from the boiling kettle.
Becuase I’m autistic, I tend to lose my patience a little bit easier and quicker than my peers, for a few reasons. I become easily irritated if someone interupts me while I’m speaking, and may snap and tell someone to ‘shut up’ and have a bit of an attitude in my tone of voice. Because I have anxiety, I lose it. My anxiety can come out and be expressed as anger, without me realising or having control in the matter. I’ll go on a ‘rampage’ and start shouting at people, throwing ornaments against walls or saying how much I hate my life because I fear you were all laughing at me, you were all thinking I’m not good enough, and what I was saying isn’t worth listening to. Because I lost my patience.
Because I’m autistic, I overanalyze everything – things you said, actions you took, the way you looked at me. I think back to the roots. Why did you say that? What did you mean? Have you said it to anyone else? Did you mean something different? I overanalyze a simple ‘hello’ some days, and not always in a bad and negative way. Because I have anxiety, I fear the worst. You didn’t smile at me today like you did yesterday because you’ve been pretending to like me, you secretly hate me. You forgot to reply to my text last night, not because you were busy and simply forgot, because I’m annoying. I’m too irritating to hold a conversation with. Why do I think this? Because I overanalyzed your actions.
But, because I’m autistic, I am unique. I am different, not less. I am proud. Being autistic can be difficult, but I consider it a gift, I see the world in ways some people can’t, I can see beyond barriers and experience the true beauty in all these different things.
So yes there are struggles to being autistic, but I wouldn’t change my autism for the world. I get to see the world in my own special kind of way, and if that’s not something to be proud of, I don’t know what is.
